Ultimately, as parents, we want our sons and daughters to learn from us what works, what has helped us throughout our lives to achieve our goals.
- What are these values?
- What values, beliefs do we carry implicitly (that is, in an unspoken way) and put in place throughout our lives?
When we take different paths throughout our lives, we do not do it randomly, but rather by following beliefs and values that we have been building over the years with our own experience.
Thus our sons and daughters meet:
Values spoken by us
For example:
“For me the most important thing that friends have to have is that they be sincere.”
Values that we do not say and that are in our actions in daily life
For example:
The value of family union. So before phone calls that interrupt a meal there may be a reason for disgust.
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Important points to keep in mind
- For our sons and daughters we are the most important people and therefore they will try to bring our values to their own world.
It is important that we think like this because if there is a way for our children to achieve goals is to tell them how proud we are of them, in addition:
- Do our children want us to feel competent as parents?
- How will our children feel if they make the people they love the most happy?
- What is the simplest way for our children to achieve this?
- There are many beliefs and values that we speak out loud.
It is very beneficial for ourselves and for them to make a list with these values and beliefs, to later give practical examples.
Small examples are the easiest method of making them understood. Better than saying your name, for example: “friendship”, why not say an example of what friendship is for us?
- There are many values and beliefs that are assumed in our own actions and that therefore are not given in a verbal way.
These beliefs and values are as important as the previous ones, many times we do not know them, and even that they are given to us in a clear way for us is a real surprise.
- What are these values and beliefs that we reveal with our actions and that we do not say?
- On numerous occasions we ourselves find ourselves doing things that are contrary to our beliefs and values.
A word, a value, can contain numerous changes depending on the circumstances. For example, the value of “sincerity” with friends, colleagues, family, etc. is not the same.
There are many exceptions that we can find for a value or belief to be adequate or not, there are no “good” or “bad” values and there are more “beneficial and useful” values and beliefs on some occasions than on others.
It is very important for our sons and daughters that we are very clear with our messages both in our behavior and in the words we say.
IMPORTANT:
With the words we say, we have to be as concrete as possible, speaking enabling examples of action, without generalities leading to errors.
In our performances:
Teaching our children that they have to adapt what they see to their performances, not everything can be applied to all circumstances. For example: “In this case, we can …”
Always value your intentions as good even if the effect has not been what was expected. Valuing your values and beliefs is a good way to build self-esteem and responsibility.
We can say to our children like this:
- “I know you did it with good intentions though …”
- “I know that what you want to achieve is good for others although …”
- “Your ideas are good though …”
- “I’m sure you want the best for me though …”
