Perfect children, sad children: the pressure of demand

An overly demanding father hides complexes and insecurities. Let’s think about it. If we harass the child trying to achieve an impossible and always unattainable standard of perfection , it is because we are not happy or we have not gotten where we wanted and we try to solve it by making our children achieve it. But we don’t always think it’s at the cost of their happiness.

There is no point in living frustrated, much less making our children candidates for frustration and depression . Let’s relax, life is much more than unmet goals, it is also that sometimes everything matters a damn and that the afternoon is filled with laughter and aimless races surrounded by happy children.

Who hasn’t seen parents emotionally drain their kids because it’s never enough? Not grades, not achievements, not goals. They want something impossible and that is for it to be the best. And that, I’m sorry to tell you, doesn’t exist. They can be very good at something: school, sports, music, theater … but there are ups and downs, there are worse and better times. This happens because of something very simple: children or adolescents are people like us and have emotions like anyone else. And sometimes they don’t want the same thing that we don’t and what’s more, they must choose their life as they grow up. Let’s never forget that it is his life, not ours. They are your decisions and your happiness.

A demanding father who does not take into account the emotional part, but the numbers, will have an unhappy and nervous, fearful and failed son, because it turns out that whatever he does he will never see the proud father. No matter what your personality or character, you learn from a young age that only what you achieve matters and, furthermore, maintain and exceed. Depression in adolescents is closely related to constant pressure to demand . Nobody is perfect, not us, not anyone. We have no right to make our children’s lives miserable. We must be clear that education is dialogue, respect and love above all else. And no matter how we do it, if our children are happy, we are doing well.

Characteristics of a depressed child

These are the characteristics of a child pressed by demand:

  1. They are dependent and passive , used to having everything organized for them, they lose spontaneity and live waiting for the next move to be made. They do not have initiative for fear of failure, and their day to day is full of fear and insecurity. They do not relax.
  2. They hide their emotions , they must always be alert not to be below what is expected of them, comparing themselves to others at all times, and that leaves little or no space to be themselves and express their feelings. Your emotions take a back seat. In the long term, this emotional repression has very serious consequences.
  3. Their self-esteem is very low , because the image they have of themselves is poor and under unbearable pressure. For their parents they will never be good enough whatever they do and that leads to zero self-esteem.
  4. They do not handle frustration well , becoming aggressive due to accumulated resentment.
  5. They suffer from anxiety , as their personal insecurity leads them to stress over any change or unexpected situation.

Do you recognize them? Let’s avoid them!

Leave a Reply