As adults we tend to analyze everything and observe it from our own point of view, but this, logically, tends to conflict and contradict the way our children see the world.

We tend to reproach the smallest behaviors because, from our knowledge, they are outlandish, absurd or inappropriate. However, this way of discerning is not what children have, and that is why we have to try to think as they would do it , not only so as not to hurt them unnecessarily, but also not to confuse them.

Within that there can be many aspects on which we enter into discussion with our children, there are three that stand out above others.



  • Awareness of time : when children are young, they have not yet developed a real consciousness of time like the one we have when we are adults. Young children generally respond to impulses, and that is why it is very difficult for them to recognize as obvious what we do recognize. Try not to be so explicit when saying phrases such as “just because”, “because I said so” or “right now”, because in no way will they sound coherent to your children.
  • Language: the way we speak is not the same for our children as it is for us when we interact with other adults. We must bear in mind that children, as they do not yet have advanced development of language, semantics or grammar, do not understand words as we already do , which can generate confusion at all times, typical of everyday situations. If you tell your child to wait to do something, make sure your message is concrete, because children cannot situate a situation or action very long-term . “We will go to the park one of these days” will not be the same for him as, “as soon as we eat we go down to the park.” Or, “you have to order the toys” is not the same as “for us to continue doing what you ask of me, we must put the toys away first.”  

In the same way, saying to children “no” or “why not” are ways that will only lead to confusion and create diffuse situations in their minds, unless they are accompanied by a true and brief explanation.

  • Living in the present : children cannot see the world in the very long term as we do, and therefore making plans for the future does not make much sense when we address them. To this is added that children do not have developed the ability of patience , since it is something that they will acquire (or not), depending on the passage of time, which explains that when they want something they want it at that precise moment and in forms that are sometimes gauged and overwhelming. Do not forget this when talking to them, to avoid misunderstandings or displeasure on your part.

That children do not think like us should not be a regret or anguish on our part, since it is something normal and so we must assume it although it can be frustrating in some situations. That is what the education we give them is for and the exercise of patience, ours, to let time pass and also give it to them. Learning to express ourselves with children skillfully , taking into account all these circumstances, will ensure us great successes in the long run, as well as a much more pleasant and placid atmosphere at home.

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