Making decisions is not something that begins to be done at a certain age, many times it is thought that this is an act related to adolescence, the truth is that since our children are small they are continuously making decisions.

When do they start to occur?

When our children are young, we are the ones who begin to value their actions as actions with intentions, that is, for our children to believe that they are making their own decisions, we must tell them that they do.

How to get our children to make more of their own decisions?

FIRST : Believe as fathers and mothers that our children from an early age have been capable of making decisions, more or less adequate, more or less transcendental, although always their own decisions.

  • “My son knows what toys he likes, he prefers …”
  • “I know that my daughter is going to choose between one friend or another”
  • “The decision is yours, you have these options, choose.”

SECOND : Make them see that this happens, we are the ones who decide as parents if an act has decision-making value or not, if we make them see it, our children will really see themselves doing it.

  • “When we went for the books and you chose these notebooks, you made a decision.”
  • “You chose not to go out on the weekend, you had both options and you chose”
  • “When we bought the house, you decided to keep that room, your decision will be respected.”

Keep in mind that many adolescent and young children think that they do not know how to make decisions, since they have never been told.

THIRD : Make them see that they make decisions on their own.

  • “If you went to that place that you were forbidden, the decision was also yours, even if they were your friends, you chose and made a decision.”
  • “How did you make that decision? It must have been difficult, I don’t know what I would have done in your place.”
  • “How did you decide to choose that? You had many alternatives and also surely there were people who advised you otherwise.”

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FOURTH : Point out that there are no “good” or “bad” decisions and there are more or less adequate ones.

  • “Going out and drinking is your decision, I am not saying it is neither good nor bad, now I think that with your age it is not the best”.
  • “It’s neither good nor bad that you don’t talk to your friends, I think it would be better if you arranged things differently”

FIFTH : Assess your decisions.

  • “It must have been difficult to make that decision.”
  • “Many have made it difficult for you to choose, it must have been a great effort.”

SIXTH : Promote other alternatives if we think that the chosen options are not adequate.

  • “You have made a decision, and that has to give you gains, although I think it must have also meant losses, what options did you have?
  • “Many times we choose thinking that we have several options, which ones did you have?

SEVENTH : Help build more decisions.

Because of our history, which is longer than that of our children, and because we have had to face more difficulties due to the time we have lived, we can provide new alternatives in decision-making.

  • “What would happen if…?”
  • “What would others do if …?”
  • “What other alternatives will you have when …?”
  • “How will things be when everything works out for you?”

EIGHTH : Search in the past for elections that have been made and that were successful although they were made for other issues.

  • “On that occasion when you chose between …, how did you manage to make the decision?”
  • “How did you make the last important decision? What can help you now?


All these steps are not consecutive, they can be alternated, although this sequence will help us:

  • First, to see that our children make their own decisions.
  • Second, to get closer to your child through their decisions.
  • Third, to help you make decisions that help you.

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