First, we must ask ourselves the reason for this behavior, which can occur in different situations that we had not considered before, such as:
- You have your own opinion, your interests, your own views, and your preferences .
- You may be angry or showing any other negative emotion .
In these situations we can act in 3 different styles:
- Authoritarian: We totally suppress the will of the child. We do not instill the need to speak and listen to your needs and we only communicate in the form of orders.
- Democratic: The child is part of the situation, being able to give their opinion and improving communication with parents.
- Mixed: Mix between the two previous systems.
Rules and norms of early childhood education
We must mark certain rules, prohibitions or restrictions, in such a way that the child is able to incorporate them into his behavior easily.
- Flexible and well defined rules . The most basic ones can be “do not hit”, “do not break”, “do not get on the table”, and so on. If the child asks us why we should not do that, we must bear in mind that the answer “because I said so” is not the most appropriate, it is best to give a coherent reason such as “it is dangerous” or “you can hurt yourself ”, Always being the most successful.
- Over time, some limitations may be relaxed , so in certain situations or circumstances we may be able to change certain rules.
- The needs of the child and the parents must follow the same rhythm : If a child wants to jump in puddles, let him do it, but as long as he wears rubber boots or whatever you consider necessary as a parent.
- The rules must be spoken by the parents : If the mother says one thing and the father says another, the child will not understand what their rules are exactly.
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How should we act if he is disobedient?
We have 3 ways to solve it:
- Talk to him calmly and reconsider his needs if really necessary.
- Ignore their behavior and not pay attention.
- Distract their attention by showing or talking about something different and interesting. This is the most recommended for young children since, if we punish them, they would not understand the reasons.
The problem of punishments
We often educate our children in the way we were raised as children, but we have to take into account the experiences we had in our childhood, the fears, the resentments or the frustrations that we suffer because of it.
- Physical punishment : An angry child may commit any inappropriate action without meaning to or without really thinking about it. If the child, for example, breaks any object and starts to cry, we should reassure him and then discuss what happened. The only thing that physical punishment brings to a child is intimidation, humiliation, and having their feelings insulted. First we must calm down and reassure ourselves, selecting a punishment appropriate to the problem.
- Isolation : Locking him in a room or against a wall is not the best solution. An alternative would be to exclude him or not pay attention to him from cooperative activities or games that they were doing for a short period of time.
- Threats: They are not useful at all and can reduce the child’s self-esteem. The best thing would be to tell the child stories from his childhood, but without lying or embellishing. That way you understand that everyone makes mistakes, and you can feel their support and understanding.
- Punish him by doing house chores or another activity that he does not like : We should never do it that way, never, since he can acquire a negative attitude towards that activity. For example, punishing him with washing dishes, studying, etc. It is best to deprive him of doing interesting things rather than not. For example, tickets to go to the Zoo to a Museum, go to see a movie at the cinema or read one of your favorite books.
Remember to always explain to the child how he will be punished and why. Not explaining yourself well in these types of situations can only lead to confusion and an attitude even more negative than the one that gave rise to the punishment.
The girl is disobedient and if any of these punishments is done she screams very hard and not only does she have a terrible tantrum, she is very yelling sometimes I think she has a psychiatric problem and I am afraid to think about it but there are situations that I see very serious, she is punished harshly in a while but it doesn’t work then we don’t know what to do