Surprisingly in the middle of 2017 there are still too many people who sentence and comment to whoever wants to hear that a good slap on time is essential to educate . Whether wearing the shoe or giving a spanking, they claim the blow and fear as fabulous resources to make the child understand once and for all who is in charge here and that the rules are to be respected .
It is still curious, because it is contradictory, that it is intended to teach respect without respect. Specifying more, without respecting the body of others or their pain, because physical violence is an absolute lack of respect and is also perpetuated in an endless loop. If you hit a child, you are only teaching him to hit. Nothing else. To hit anyone so as not to be afraid (that fear that he just feels when you hit him), to abuse to impose himself and to settle the problem, whatever it may be, radically. To make it clear that the blows no matter how small they may seem (if there are small blows, which I doubt) are infinitely better than words, reasons, calm, patience and, above all, respect.
In society we have gone from rigidly educating as before, to letting TV and today social networks and the internet teach and accompany our children. Children who are increasingly alone and less cared for , and because of that lack of closeness that makes us feel guilty is that we pamper and consent to compensate, without taking into account that giving them everything and letting them do whatever they want without control is neither by far the solution. Even so, a slap is not going to fix anything, quite the contrary.
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Are you unable to explain to your child why he should not do something without hitting or intimidating him?
Well, let me tell you that if you correct him firmly and calmly, ignoring his crying or kicking at the same time you breathe calmly and explain clearly why he cannot behave like this or why we are leaving or that now he is not time to eat sweets or whatever … well it will cost a bit (it depends on how accustomed you are to doing what you want), but you will end up understanding and much better than if you used physical violence. Insurance. Because they will see and perceive you serene, calm, in your place and convinced that things are as you say.
Hug him when he starts to calm down , to realize that you are right and that it is not okay for him to be capricious, or to yell, or to engage in something that cannot be done. Use your sixth sense, your ability to negotiate and convince. A child puts us to the test every day and it is very easy to lose our nerves. When this happens take a deep breath, think that the adult is you and that in his tantrum what he is crying out for is order , rules and more than anything, attention.
I insist again that you negotiate with him, dialogue, explain the why, stand firm on what cannot or should not be, listen to his arguments and reach a mutual understanding, teach him to respect the rules and mainly the the rest.
If he is very nervous, allow him to calm down by himself, nothing happens because he cries or kicks a little , let him release his frustration and anger and tell him that when he calms down you can talk, but you do not lose your calm, please. Be his example, think about whether you want your child to be a patient and dialogue adult or, on the contrary, a violent and uncontrolled person, and act just as you want him to behave .
It is not easy, but if you are reading this, you are interested and you care about their training and development as a person, so you are on the right path. Now it is only a matter of respecting him so that he learns to respect; to listen to it and observe it; that the time you spend with the child is of quality, without telephones involved; to believe yourself capable and to have a little patience.
The prize is to “manufacture” a peaceful and strong little person who, I bet you what you want, will give you many, many hugs… maybe more than you think!
Good evening, thank you very much for your articles.