Toxic parents (referred to as father or mother interchangeably) are those people who, due to the characteristics of their personality and past experiences, damage the lives of others and, in this case, have children who educate but little or no not advisable.
Surely we have all known or even suffered someone like that. Someone who has made us feel bad for no reason and in a subtle way . This is the most dangerous, because it is done apparently without any intention and of course, the feeling is even more confusing. Because when someone hurts you head-on you defend yourself, but when that someone is your mother or father and they are supposed to love you above all else but make you feel bad … what happens then?
Basically, that as a child you do not realize that abuse. When you grow up you begin to feel it consciously and it is usual to put the earth in between to be as far away from that person who cancels us. One day, suddenly, we realize that we can live without it and that we are adults to go wherever we want. Although if the parent’s personality is dominant enough to keep the child annulled , the opposite is also the case: never leave the nest because they have lost all self-esteem in the first years of life. It is what it has to be a child, that you are manipulable and how they educate you, you will be.
Hopefully they are not reflected in these characteristics of toxic people , and if they are seen, rectify, reflect and change destiny. If you recognize someone like that who has children in their care and you can do something to alleviate that situation and make that little one feel better about himself, do so without hesitation. They may be “saving” a next adult.
Types of toxic mothers and fathers, these the main ones
Absorbents
The child must gradually go about his life and discovering the world, but this toxic parents do not understand. They want them very close and for this they prevent any hint of independence by making them feel guilty simply for wanting to live with other people. In adolescence, this situation worsens when friends, boyfriends, group activities outside the home appear …
Perfect
“Nobody is going to love you like me” is the phrase that can summarize this point that hides a non-existent self-esteem in the father or mother, who intends to fill their own life by being the main axis of the child’s life . No one will love, cook, care for, dress like me. Nobody knows you the same or understands you or knows what you need. And if there is no person around to neutralize this, that boy or girl will grow up isolated from people because, according to their parent, the rest of the world as a whole will not like them well.
Competitive
Yes, because it is possible to compete with your children even if it seems like an aberration. There are mothers who see rival daughters in their lives, and there are fathers who ridicule their sons to excel. If you have had children without being very conscious of what you were doing, you may take your frustration out on them and refuse to give them love and understanding, while blaming them for everything bad that happens to you.
Indifferent
There are times when it is not excessive control that is wrong, but the complete lack of it. Through reluctance or disinterest, the child ends up being left to make and decide his life without being fully qualified to do so, resulting in children with little or no tolerance for frustration, capricious and selfish.
Manipulators
They change reality at will, they make up what happened. These parents are really harmful because they “sell” to their children a reality that exists only in their heads. The one that suits them best. And of course, they are your parents and you are small: who are you going to believe?
Distant
They do not give affection or value that they receive from their children. Probably that’s how they grew up and repeat this sad behavior with their little ones. They grow up without receiving love and end up not giving it either, since they are rejected. Any show of attention they have towards their parents can be greeted with a “it’s what you have to do, it’s your obligation. This emotional void is very harmful for the child because in adulthood it will lead to difficulties in relating and a feeling of guilt in the moments when they feel happy, since they have raised them by making them believe that they have no right to be so.
Limiters
They perpetuate gender roles to the extreme, educating submissive, delicate, feminine, and hyper-responsible girls, as well as boys who shouldn’t show their feelings but should be aggressive and carefree. The bad thing is not being like that by your own nature, the nefarious thing is that your sex defines your way of being from birth limiting your life and your desires. We are in 2017, please, let each child be a person first and foremost and develop their personality naturally.
Victims
Their eagerness to attract attention has no limits: they even “get sick” if they are opposed. To get children to do what they want even when it is not healthy, they use emotional blackmail deliberately, being extremely dangerous, since the guilt they make them feel cancels the character and the will of the child, turning him into a puppet without decision.
There are many more types of toxic parents, unfortunately. I wish we all understood that it is a very great responsibility to have children and educate them. That our influence is brutal in their development as people and that if we cannot cope with it or it overwhelms us, we must ask for family or professional help .
I was raised with such parents and a world has affected me and I don’t want to do the same with my children that I should do xfa